[I wrote this a while ago, but it's been sitting in my drafts, unfinished, for weeks. It's rather....um....vitriolic, and I was pretty peeved when I put the brunt of this down. I'll wrap up the story and ad an update for the current situation. And then I'll publish something much more interesting and cheerful because, honestly, I'm just not feeling very bitchy today. Don't worry, it won't last.]
[Also, considering the crankiness I'm subjecting you to, I've added some photos as a special treat. The first photo is the wedding party, so you can get a good look at Shirley's crazy yellow Barbie hair. The second picture is Kim, who obviously ran afoul of the photographer. The last is the gorgeous bride and groom from my harrowing tale. Enjoy!]
Good grief, could people possibly be more selfish and shitty? For someone not really known for kindness and pleasantry, it seems a bit wrong that I take such exception to the character of a lot of individuals. They call me The Devil, yet I seem to be of the minority that actually know how to treat people.
Here's where this is coming from....
We did the wedding of Kris and Marty last Friday and, as expected, it was hectic and stressful and the usual suspects made a point of causing more grief and trouble than anything else. The usual subjects of which I speak are 3 of Kris' bridesmaids who could possibly be the most vile creatures on this earth. Selfish, rude, bitchy, lazy, indignant, and completely without a fucking clue about how to behave in any sort of proper setting. Would you fucking believe that Kim and Shirley (the maid of honor and matron of honor respectively) chatted with each other during the actual wedding ceremony? The bride and groom were appropriately shocked and pissed -- this was being videotaped for posterity after all -- but I'm terribly curious as to what they expected out of those two. I know both of those idiots and I sure as shit didn't expect them to act with any sort of composure. They're straight up trash, those two, and it is unreasonable to expect that people will change their fundamental natures just because their friend is getting married. They proved this adage a million times over the course of the wedding foolishness.
"You're only as good as your worst friend"
Go ahead and read that statement again. Absorb it, understand it, feel it, breathe it, be it....because it is entirely true. If your family is shitty, there isn't much you can do about it. But friends are the family that you get to choose, and you had better choose wisely.
I try to be a good friend, always. When my friends ask me to be responsible, I am and I'm unfailing. When my friends ask me for a favor, I do anything in my power to grant it. My friends do not have to ask me to be kind or caring or generous or honest....they know I always will be. I expect the same from them and this is the reason I have such good friends. However, I seem to be in the minority.
Kris and Marty are off in Jamaica, enjoying their honeymoon and some exciting hurricanes (stupid global warming making vacationing hard). They had asked me to take care of their myriad animals and watch their house while they are away. I work from home, which is conveniently located down the street from them, and I'm their Responsible Friend. Plus, all of the animals - save for the stupid bunny - seem to like me.
[Here's where my tirade left off, as I was interrupted by the onslaught of EVIL INTERLOPERS! I will now recap the house-sitting experience.]
"Evil interlopers? Jillian, what the fuck are you talking about now?"
Here's the sordid tale:
I hadn't planned on spending most of my time over and Kris and Marty's place. It's no effort to pop in a few times during the day, as Evil HQ is just down the street. However, while I was composing the rant above, Kim and her boyfriend just wandered on in. As we all know, I don't do Kim, so I had made a point of asking Kristin if she was planning on hanging around at their house. Kris said that Kim didn't have a key, as Kris had gotten her key back from Kim.
Guess what? She had a fucking key, walked right in, and seemed extremely put out that I was there. And why might she be annoyed that I was there? Because she wanted to search the place for a little handbag Kris had given her as a bridesmaid gift. She and her boyfriend started going through rooms and opening closets and cabinets. Needless to say, I was shocked and disgusted and put an end to that immediately. Who goes searching through someone's home when they're out of town? Fucking degenerates.
Anyhoo, I stuck around that afternoon until those fuckers finally left. They were there auspiciously to take the dog for a walk, but they didn't even do that. Naturally, I was concerned about the relative safety of Kris and Marty's stuff after what Kim was willing to perpetrate right in front of me, so I made a point of hanging out there as much as I could. And guess what else? It fucking happened again!
"Hey Jillian, you are the toughest medium-sized white girl around, didn't those shitfaces get the picture after the first time they tried to toss the joint?"
Fuck yeah, those motherfuckers did....But then Shirley came over late one night and pulled the same motherfucking stunt. Do you believe that?! Walked right in the house, shocked to see me sitting on the couch watching ANTM marathons(if you don't know, better ask somebody), lied about checking on the dog, and started rooting through the house. SHOCKING. She also had a head full of crazy, bright yellow Barbie hair sewn into her scalp (as usual) and she was very drunk. She drove over there and planned on driving home to the Joliet area. While drunk. Obviously, I was getting sick of defending my friends' place from the Evil Interlopers they thought were their friends. I made it real clear to Shirley that anything she needs at their home can be obtained from Kris and Marty when they returned home from their vacation, and that I better not see her trying this crap again. Fuckin A.
It's been a few weeks since Kris and Marty returned from the honeymoon and got my full report from while they were away. Kris has since dumped Kim and Shirley was on the shit list for a while. I told Kris, when she returned, that she was only as good as her worst friend and she seemed to take that statement to heart. At the very least, I don't have to listen to her badmouthing Kim constantly anymore.
No animals were harmed in the creation of this post,
J
