Well, hello there.
I'm constantly harassed by my legion of fans to post more often (okay, one fan in particular but she is quite outspoken), so I'm making a half-assed effort of it today. Well, it's not so half-assed as it is without a particular topic - I don't manufacture news and frankly, not much is going on. That doesn't mean I have nothing to say. So allow me to present you with a general update on the goings on in the Devil's universe:
DEVIL NEWS!!!!
SPRING 2009 HUMBOLDT HOMELESS WATCH
Ahh, Chicago has finally graced us with some temperate weather and the local homeless are coming out of their burrows and Oscar the Grouch-style trashcans to greet the people. The new trend in homelessness this year is bizarre pretensions. Only this morning, one of the Fruteria Crew greeted me in an affected English accent with " 'Ello, love!" Thoroughly charming, keep up the good work and I look forward to your reviews of my Spring and Summer fashions. I have a feeling they will be overwhelmingly negative, as usual.
LITTLE CHICKEN TO BE PUZZLED AND ANNOYED BY NEW OFFSPRING
My darling goddaughter (aka MadDog Killer Baby aka Little Chicken) is going to be a big sister come this December. Seeing that this child has more attitude than someone 4 times her size, I predict that she will not like this new development one bit. For my part, I have already picked out tiny t-shirts with 'v1.0' and 'v2.0' on them and decided upon a nickname (because I rarely call anyone by their names and certainly not babies) for this latest offspring: Newbie.
BOOK REVIEWS
I love books and I read a ton of them.
River of Gods by Ian McDonald
- This book takes place in near-future India and, yes, it's sci-fi. I love sci-fi and I find Indian culture fascinating but I was initially given pause with this title as it's written by an Englishman who had lived briefly in India. Given the scope of the story (a number of discrete personalities are examined who lives eventually converge) and how deeply steeped in Indian culture it is, I can't help being impressed that this is a work of an outsider. What's not impressing: the author's need to drop every single Indian term he picked up in his time there in a shameless bid for authenticity. A little would have added legitimacy to the story without pushing past the bounderies of understanding but, as it is, I felt like I should be consulting an Indian slang dictionary after every paragraph. As a person who's managed to pick up some Chinese and Arabic from bootlegging tv shows from foreign sources, I can handle inferring the meaning of foreign words from context. But when every third word is a mystery, it gets distracting.
*D [self-indulgent and trying too fucking hard, don't bother]
When You Are Engulfed In Flames by David Sedaris
-I know this won't be popular with all of the David Sedaris ass-lickers out there but, in all honesty, Sedaris is losing his edge. I'm a fan and I've read all of his books but I wasn't able to devour this latest title as voraciously as his earlier works. His schtick is getting boring and he needs to change it up. "The Smoking Section" is 83 pages of David Sedaris' dramatic plight to quit smoking. And by "dramatic plight", I mean "less interesting than watching Nicorette commercials for the equivalent time it took to read this story." REALLY. I was even trying to quit smoking myself when I read this and it did nothing for me aside from a few chuckles and wondering what the ultimate point of this recap was (Spoiler - the only point of the story appears to be an 83 page vehicle for incorporating the book's title). If you're a fan and a completist, get it and read it - it probably won't hurt you. If you're unfamiliar, go get Me Talk Pretty One Day or Barrel Fever instead. Lazy effort.
*C+ [David Sedaris is still good, but this book was disappointing. The low score is because I expect better out of him]
The Host by Stephanie Meyer
-Yes, that Stephanie Meyer of Twilight fame. Honestly, this was good. I grudgingly admit that I read the Twilight series but (1.) I read everything and read it quickly so putting back this newly infamous series wasn't an enormous effort and (2.) my reading list isn't restricted to Twilight and Harry Potter as is the case for a great deal of my (hated) peers. Anyhoo, the Twilight series is pretty damn bad (save for the last book, which is balls out insanity in an amusing way) and Stephanie Meyer is not a talented writer. Mostly, she's a lazy writer as is further evidenced in The Host, a near-future sci-fi tale of the takeover, bodysnatcher-style, of the human population by a race of peaceful, moral alien creatures. Save for an occasional, poorly elucidated medical procedure and the use of the term "cryo-tanks" to describe something that is not related to cryogenics, there is no science in this science fiction. Not that all science fiction writers must be scientists in their own right, but most will bother to do some research to elaborate on their fictions effectively. Meyer has not bothered and it's obvious. As with her other works, Meyer opts to flesh out her stories with endless and redundant emotional content. However, this crutch works better here as she examines the moral quanderies the main alien parasite is facing by stealing the bodies of humans and what happens when the host consciousness communicates and influences the alien intruder. It's compelling, if not particularly sophisticated, and miles away from the outstanding stupidity and weepy, teenage melancholy of the spakly vampire crap.
*B [I'd call this a 'beach read' if that term didn't imply icky romance novels. Less brain-rotting than television]
FOOD REVIEWS
Enjuku Green Onion Miso
- I don't like sushi (don't worry, I'm still bourgie and arrogant) so the only thing I'm enthusiastic about in Japanese cuisine is edamame and miso soup. Since that isn't much impetus for actually visiting a restaurant, I like to prepare these two simple dishes at home. I've never seen it at the major chain supermarkets, but you can get miso soup mix at every asian grocery that I've ever been to. Most recently, I got the Enjuku brand miso soup mix at the big asian (Vietnamese?) grocery store in the strip mall just north of Lawrence on Broadway. They have all sorts of weird looking things that seem like a good idea to buy and ponder as well as lovely and reasonably priced kitchenware. I would not recommend the frozen foods or fish section for those faint of heart or stomach. Typically, miso mix includes a packet of miso paste and a packet of garnish - usually a combination of freeze dried tofu, green onions and seaweed. I HATE TOFU SO FREAKING MUCH and I was delighted to find the Enjuku Green Onion variety that does away with the nasty nasty foul and disgusting tofu nuggets in favor of a lot more green onions. Encouraged, I gave it a whirl yesterday (mix packets with hot water, done) and my feelings are mixed. Miso broth: perfect, but pretty hard to screw up. Green onions: copious. Seaweed: aw, now here's where things have gone awry. Dried seaweed seems like an easy thing to get right but the 'weed in this soup was not as vibrantly green as I like and veering on slimy. All in all, I think I'll go back to picking the tofu nuggets out of the other brands but I'll still finish off this package.
*B [Good broth and onions, no vile tofu. Slimy seaweed]
Piece Pizza
-Wicker Park is stuffed to the gills with cutesy, punny-named establishments that are under the misapprehention that they are being oh-so-hopelessly clever. Piece, with it's modified peace sign logo, is no exception to this rule. But, while the vast majority of products to come out of these establishments are as unspecial and trite as their proprietors, Piece actually delivers. THIS IS THE BEST PIZZA IN CHICAGO. Anyone who knows me knows I love pizza. I am a gourmand in my own right, but I happily admit that pizza is my favorite food and I never get sick of it. I could eat pizza for every meal (although, for the sake of my waist line and GI tract, I don't) and I always order from Piece. If you are so unfortunate as to live outside their delivery area, you will have no choice but to visit the restaurant itself. Positives: they have a microbrewery onsite and the beer is terrific. Negatives: the service here is so unbelievably bad that the last 2 out of 3 times I've been in the restaurant resulted in free pizza because the servers screwed shit up so badly and the management is (not unpleasant but) worse than useless. Bad service anywhere usually results in a lifetime ban of said establishment - I have no patience and chances are good that I can get the same shit somewhere else where my patronage is more appreciated. Piece's New Haven-style pizza is so good that I will happily endure their braindead, hipster-loser staff to eat it. I advise artichoke hearts and extra cheese.
*A+ [It's like hope and prosperity spread on a thin crust and covered with cheese and rainbows]
UPCOMING EVIL EVENTS!
Baby Showers are Seriously Painful
- I have committed to going to my best friend's sister-in-law's babyshower because I am obviously a glutton for punishment. I like the sister-in-law in question; we're friendly but I wouldn't consider us friends. I'm also not entirely certain when this event is to take place but I've been assured that there will be booze. For the record: booze spiked punches do not count as actual booze in this situation as there isn't nearly enough alcohol in them for me to forget lamenting how I got talked into going to another fucking baby shower.
Easter? That's when we worship a bunny, yes?
- It appears that Easter is coming up this very Sunday, as I learned this morning. One would think a hellspawn like myself would rally against overtly Christian holidays, and rightly so, but I can't hate on an occasion that will undoubtedly result in my being presented with a festive basket full of colorful candy. Like many Christians, my religious affiliations are shallow and self-serving, so at least I'm in good company.
Wishing you all an evil tomorrow,
The Devil
