I AM A COMMODITY! BUY ME!

(sold AS-IS, 'is really annoying' will not be a sufficient reason for return)

See something new here on The Devil Page? No, I haven't changed my hair. Yes, I did lose weight, how nice of you to notice! It's the terrible-weeklong-flu diet combined with constant-hacking-cough to work the abs, but it's not what I was referring to.

There are ads here now!

It's hard times, folks, and we all need to make a little extra cheddar. CLICK ON THE ADS!!!

Really, click on them. Then come back and click on some more. It will only take you a second and it will make me very happy.

Now, please don't think I'm actually asking you to do something selfless. You know I'm smarter than that. Social altruism is all about self-interest and I am prepared to interest you into playing along with my money-making scheme here.

So how do we do this, eh? We could go on the honor system, but we've already mentioned how I'm not stupid. I suppose you could send me screen grabs of the ads you've clicked through, but that seems like a lot of effort. Oh well, honor system it is. As a caveat, I will say that, for those who may be inlcined to abuse said honor system, you'll get found out. I'm more clever than you can hope to be. If you mess with the bully, you will get the horns.

Now the fun stuff! You can earn Frequent Evil Points (TM) for every click on my page's ads. These FEPs (TM) can be redeemed for wonderful prizes!!!

"But what kind of wonderful prizes, Jillian?"

Oh, all sorts of stuff, as I have much to offer. Let's set up a schematic, which will seem entirely arbitrary because it is. Everything is, god is dead. Anyhoo:

10 Frequent Evil Points
Hmmmm, for 10 points, I will write a blog on the topic of your choice. Hell, I'll even write a blog about you if that's what you want. Don't think that's a great prize? It's ten fucking points, don't be so greedy.

20 Frequent Evil Points
I will send you a tiny plastic ninja in the mail. Then I will know where you live, ahahahahahaha! If tiny ninjas are not available, I will send you a tiny plastic chollo. Boriqua!

50 Frequent Evil Points
Oh god, I just heard the queerest fucking thing on TV. This bitch just said "I'm a singer/songwriter in a general laborers body." How nice for her: she's a fucking moron and an annoying, banal one at that. What was I saying? Oh yeah, prizes. For 50 points, I will send you a food item in the mail. It could be a delicious homemade cookie, it could be some Ramen noodle, part of the fun is that you won't know until it shows up. The only thing I can guarantee is that it will be vegetarian, because that's how devils roll. If you prefer to forage for your own foodstuffs, I will give you one of my award winning recipes (I gave them awards myself).

100 Frequent Evil Points
Should you manage this many click throughs from my page, I should be rolling in cash money yo. And I'm happy to spread the wealth - if you get 100, I will buy you a beer. Not everyone is so fortunate to live in Chicago so, should you reach this level of Jillian Devotion (TM), I will find someone in your locality to buy you a beer. Please don't find my claim dubious - I know lots of people who know lots of people. And satanism is a lot more popular than you might think.

Alrighty, folks, get clicking and start earning your fabulous prizes! If you have an idea for a more suitable prize, I will certainly take it into account if it's within reason.


Gotta go, time to conquer the world

J-Illa