My Favorite Holiday

I'm sure it will come as no surprise that Halloween is, hands down, my favorite holiday of the year. I love costumes and candy, what could possibly be better? NOTHING, that's what.

My hot bitch, David, is throwing a Halloween fete this year. I usually do so myself, but with all the prep required to throw a proper themed party....ack, it's a lot of work. Plus, I have new exciting prosthetics to apply this year, and I'm always in the bathroom trying to get my horns right as guests are arriving. Naturally, I'm going as the devil. Yes, I go as the devil every year - it's only right - but I switch it up. And my take on the theme is pretty fucking good.

Last year, I had several parties to attend and I did both Green Devil and Purple Devil, with the new super-size horns. Of course, as many of you witnessed, the super-size horns were not without their problems. I only have so much forehead (I'm not Tyra Banks here) and the gluing/putty process took off a good 1/4 inch off my right eyebrow. It grew back, but I'm aiming to keep my eyebrows intact this year as well as any hair on the side of my head when I apply the very exciting evil pointy ears. Keep your fingers crossed for my success in this endeavor.

Anyhoo, young David is adorable and quaint. So much so that he is scheduling all sorts of amusing activities for his drunk and ridiculous friends. There will be a costume contest, apple bobbing, and a pumpkin carving contest. Our friends are all both highly creative and amazingly offensive, so I think my chances of winning the costume contest are pretty slim. My facial prosthetics probably won't hold up well to apple bobbing, not to mention hair and makeup, so that's out. which leaves us with....pumpkin carving.

David was over last night, having a few beers and watching Sanford and Son on my sofa. We got to chatting about party preparation and I mentioned a few photos I had emailed him, one of which happened to be a pumpkin bong. Much giggling ensued and Dave said that if I manage to make a successful bong out of a pumpkin for the contest, I will totally win. Unfair advantage? Yes, but I don't care. I want to win, and if this is what it takes, so be it.

A little digression on the practice of making homemade bongs

If you've been to college, you know that bongs can be made out of nearly anything. Not that there is a class taught on such things, it's just a typical proclivity for college kids to imagine such possibilities. I consider this a reasonable creative endeavor; it integrates engineering and critical problem-solving techniques, makes you use your noodle. Then you smoke the reefer and kill all those brain cells you were using in the first place. In college, we made bongs out of apples, plastic bottles, a carefully drilled glass jar, and various plastic toys. The only thing I found that you couldn't make a bong out of what grey stoneware, as the bong I sculpted in Ceramics class was tossed in the garbage before firing (haters! I certainly hadn't expected that in an art class, and the whole ceramics operation was run from a hallowed out IHOP across the street from the campus proper).

My point is that it can definitely be done, but how to do it? I admit: it's been a while since I took on a project of this sort. The internet is a good place to start and, wouldn't ya know, there are 245,000 hits when you use "pumpkin bong" as a search term. Huh. Honestly, I hadn't expected that. Those college kids have been busy, but their declining GPAs will result in my taking home the pumpkin carving title. So kudos to them, and I need to go rifle through the basement for parts.



So, my funky little monkeys, I wish you an evil Halloween. And if you want to make a pumpkin "water pipe" of your very own, here ya go:
http://www.instructables.com/file/F73DJOMF82EXLAT/

Don't say I never did nothin' for you.



Trick or Treat, Smell my Feet!
Jillian the Devil